seek & find

“You will find me when you seek me with all of your heart.”

Isn’t that what falling in love, real love, is all about? All of our desires become about that person, pleasing that person, putting that person above all else.  When we are really in love with someone, we want to give them every single piece of us, with a hope that they will give us pieces of themselves back— a mutual giving and receiving of everything we are, because we want to share everything with this person. We want, deep down, to show them everything we are, and in turn learn everything that they are.  But with a heart full of other things, how can we give them the space they deserve in our hearts? This is the space we so desperately want to give them, but its already filled with insecurity, doubt, fear, lust, lies about ourselves that have become truths in our eyes. Falling in love with a person and receiving their love back can be an extremely complicated thing. Where do all the pieces of our heart go? We want to give them everything, but can’t give them those dark, painful pieces that we’ve started to define ourselves by. Surely it would ruin the love.

But that is the beauty of falling in love with Jesus versus a person. He tells us to give him those things. Give him all of our hearts, the beautiful parts and the ugly parts. Only he can fill us up completely with good because all that he gives back is good. He has no human flaw, and cannot give us anything flawed. He takes our insecurities and replaces them with worth. Doubt with trust. Lust with real love. He even replaces the shame and guilt buried so far down, we didn’t even know it was there. And from that, he gives us freedom, joy, and peace. No other person can give us all of these things. But Jesus can. And he’s begging to do it. He’s knocking at the door of our hearts, desperately wanting all of us.

This morning, i woke up with these words almost yelling at me- “You will find me when you seek me with all of your heart.” Not some. Not most, but I’m saving a little piece for the person I marry one day. No, he wants all of it. And one of the most beautiful things about falling in love with Jesus is that when we trust him with our lives, our whole heart, our desires, every part of us, he will bring us on a path so amazing that we won’t believe it. He’ll bring us to that person we’ve dreamed of, but at his time. The right time. When our focus is solely on Him, and theirs is too, we can’t mess it up. The even more mind-blowing thing is that He already knows the timeline. He knows when we will finally give in and give it all to Him. He knows when we’ll be ready to share our lives with another person. He literally knows everything about our lives- past, present, and future. We just have to trust him with it. It takes a leap of faith. It’s going to be hard to give up things about ourselves that we’ve held onto for so long. But he wants to take it all, and give us back something better than we could ever have imagined.

Lately, I’ve been praying for a real, deep relationship with God, but I didn’t fully realize what that meant. I didn’t know what I was asking for, I just knew that I needed it. Maybe its the fast that I’m currently doing, but I felt him tell me, “Ok, you want a relationship with me? While you’re still searching for a relationship with someone else? No.  It needs to just be me and you.” And he almost forcefully has started breaking down every relationship that I might possibly consider. And while this does sting as it happens, I can’t help but love the fact that every closing door is saving me from hurt, while at the same time leading me one step closer to Jesus- the truest, realest love that I could ever imagine.

Jeremiah 29:13 “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart.

3 thoughts on “seek & find

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