This is going to be a short (but hopefully sweet) little post about a really cool way God spoke to me last night.
The last couple of days have been a whirlwind of emotion for me. It seems like I’ve felt every emotion under the sun- happiness, sadness, anger, confusion, shame, fear, guilt, and ultimately peace. I’ve felt God, and I’ve felt isolation from Him. I’ve been on this walk with God for a good number of months now, and this is the first time I’ve felt real hurt. For some reason, I thought that since I’ve hurt a lot in my past, giving my life to God would make my future free of hurt. Wishful thinking, but completely unrealistic.
After making some mistakes, my eyes were forced open to so much that I was blindly ignoring. I let myself get too far into something that felt right, but where did it feel right? In my heart, the most deceitful thing of all. I realized that I thought I was in a place with God that I really wasn’t. I thought our relationship was great, when it was mediocre at best.
There was a point yesterday (well many points, but specifically one) where I let myself completely just feel. This is something I hadn’t done in so long. Years, probably, that I didn’t let myself feel what I was feeling. I embraced it all, instead of pushing it away and building even more walls. I literally cried out to God, unfiltered, and talked to Him as if He was my best friend, sitting in the passenger seat. And would you believe that when I finally got real with God, He showed up, and spoke to me in a beautiful way.
When I started this walk, I really started to see God in the sunsets. When I would see beautiful sunsets, I just felt like it was God’s personal way of telling me that He loves me and He’s there. And last night as I was driving, I realized that I was looking at an amazingly beautiful sunset. But there was something different that made it oddly even more stunning. There were dark clouds in it which made it unique, but the way the sun was behind them, they seemed to compliment the whole picture. I got quiet and listened to God tell me that the dark stormy clouds are what makes the most beautiful sunsets.
We need the dark storms in our lives to make even more beautiful pictures. The light will always shine through. God never makes bad things happen to us, but He allows them to happen to us so that we can come to Him, broken, and He can make us something more beautiful because of it. Be grateful in the dark times. Be grateful in the loneliness, in the hurt, in the mistakes, and let them lead us closer to God. Although our mistakes will always have consequences, be grateful that God’s great grace and love saves us from these consequences becoming condemnation. He takes our hurt, and heals us. He uses our story to help others, and I know that I’m going through this time not only for myself, but for someone else too. And with God as the painter, these little dark and stormy cloud will only make His masterpiece that is my life even more beautiful.